After the Tears
Monday, Oct. 6, 2014
“The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, Ch 2 (“There Is a Solution”), p 24.
Today, if the numbing physical and psychological impact of my last drunk has been weakened by the passage of time, let my defense be the outcome of my last drunk – likely the same consequence, if not worse, of every drunk before the last one. I have long since passed the point that a drunk tonight will be less physically and less psychologically costly than my last drunk, even if it was years ago. My sobriety today does not promise that I will be sober tomorrow, but it does promise that I have a choice today to drink or not. If the memory of the physical and emotional toll of my last drunk has been salved by the passage of time, pray I know the reality that I and I alone will be responsible for the consequences of another drunk. And lest I forget that those consequences were too heavy then, and they will probably be too heavy – or heavier – now. Today, I have the choice, and I choose not to forget my last drunk so that I retain the choice not to drink. And our common journey continues. After the tears. – Chris M., 2014